Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
