his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I forgot how hot balto sounded
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
