her vagine was all disorganized.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
