I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
