her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
