You really coming over, don't trick.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
