do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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