So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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