My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
