we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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