I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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