We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My pussy is not your playground.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
