Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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