ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i've created a new STD.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
