Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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