worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
