someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
