I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
