After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
