she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
