At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
