Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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