i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am one with the molecules
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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