remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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