My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
