please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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