My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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