I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
