my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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