Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
