It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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