He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
