at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
they need to just BURY HIM!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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