I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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