just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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