I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
