Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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