When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
