I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
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the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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