The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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