That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
