God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
