at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
