I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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