The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
