so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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