mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's rum buckets o'clock
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize