I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
