Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
