dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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