Do vagina's smell?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
