mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
