Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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