They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
