My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
