Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Are we still banned from the library?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
