I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
