If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
