Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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