my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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