My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
