I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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