she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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