I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
