you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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