Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
