Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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