Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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17 year olds will be the death of me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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