I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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