I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
