I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
