I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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