i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
two words...techno handjob
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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